Manipulating Ways

If one's life is never revealing who one truly is, then is there a perception that others that are truthful in their relationships are manipulating?

I keep thinking back to when a family member advised me that another family member had told her that I was master manipulating my husband.  I wasn't insulted or even upset by the comment (maybe at first for a few solitary minutes) because I had been called that at another time in a written letter which I still possess.  I stood back or close, don't remember, and I do remember pondering the comment in my head asking myself, "is that true?"  My answer to the family member was yes, I guess I do manipulate my husband in the way that I negotiate for what I want and need.  And further, he manipulates me right back.  His and my desires and needs are met because we are honest with each other about what those might be, then the negotiation begins as to what we will give up or do for the other person in order for that process to happen.  So yes, we love each other and want happiness for the other person along with ourselves so we are, we are both master manipulating.

I came right home and discussed this in detail with my husband.  I told him of the conversation and how we were being perceived.  He said that I could manipulate him any day of the week.  I told him the same, and retreated to the kitchen to bake his favorite cherry pie.

In the other situation (the letter), I was accused of being a manipulating person in communicating with this woman's son who I felt was in need of a friend to answer his many queries and to just hear him rant.  I never called him, he always called me and always wanted my counsel which I shared at first in a very mild and kind way.  When he didn't understand what I perceived as his faults I began to be more honest in a semi-mild way which was unacceptable to him at which time his mother felt the need to threaten me into no contact with her son which was easy because he no longer called me and when we saw each other we did not speak.  I never responded to dear Mom to inform her of the son's attempt at manipulating me with his phone calls and conversation.  I just knew I had done nothing wrong taking this young man's calls in an effort to ease his pain and at one point advising him to search for professional help (I was in fear that he was depressed enough to hurt himself in some way).     These phone calls often ended with me in tears, torn that I may have been giving bad advice.  Many times I discussed these conversations with Jack in an effort to determine if I had done harm in any way.

I am probably very good at making excuses, or rationalizing and if it's true I can take responsibility for it.  I only know that my truth is what guides me, I am as authentic and honest as I can be at 65 years old.

Now baking a cherry pie for my husband makes him happy for 2 weeks.  In those 2 weeks I see that he has a twinkle in his eye that is not always there at 81 years old, and of course he is nicer and easier to get along with.  Do I do it for the treatment if affords me or for the twinkle?  I let the reader decide.
I know my truth.