Manipulating Ways

If one's life is never revealing who one truly is, then is there a perception that others that are truthful in their relationships are manipulating?

I keep thinking back to when a family member advised me that another family member had told her that I was master manipulating my husband.  I wasn't insulted or even upset by the comment (maybe at first for a few solitary minutes) because I had been called that at another time in a written letter which I still possess.  I stood back or close, don't remember, and I do remember pondering the comment in my head asking myself, "is that true?"  My answer to the family member was yes, I guess I do manipulate my husband in the way that I negotiate for what I want and need.  And further, he manipulates me right back.  His and my desires and needs are met because we are honest with each other about what those might be, then the negotiation begins as to what we will give up or do for the other person in order for that process to happen.  So yes, we love each other and want happiness for the other person along with ourselves so we are, we are both master manipulating.

I came right home and discussed this in detail with my husband.  I told him of the conversation and how we were being perceived.  He said that I could manipulate him any day of the week.  I told him the same, and retreated to the kitchen to bake his favorite cherry pie.

In the other situation (the letter), I was accused of being a manipulating person in communicating with this woman's son who I felt was in need of a friend to answer his many queries and to just hear him rant.  I never called him, he always called me and always wanted my counsel which I shared at first in a very mild and kind way.  When he didn't understand what I perceived as his faults I began to be more honest in a semi-mild way which was unacceptable to him at which time his mother felt the need to threaten me into no contact with her son which was easy because he no longer called me and when we saw each other we did not speak.  I never responded to dear Mom to inform her of the son's attempt at manipulating me with his phone calls and conversation.  I just knew I had done nothing wrong taking this young man's calls in an effort to ease his pain and at one point advising him to search for professional help (I was in fear that he was depressed enough to hurt himself in some way).     These phone calls often ended with me in tears, torn that I may have been giving bad advice.  Many times I discussed these conversations with Jack in an effort to determine if I had done harm in any way.

I am probably very good at making excuses, or rationalizing and if it's true I can take responsibility for it.  I only know that my truth is what guides me, I am as authentic and honest as I can be at 65 years old.

Now baking a cherry pie for my husband makes him happy for 2 weeks.  In those 2 weeks I see that he has a twinkle in his eye that is not always there at 81 years old, and of course he is nicer and easier to get along with.  Do I do it for the treatment if affords me or for the twinkle?  I let the reader decide.
I know my truth.

Yay! Art Fiestas are fun for the Buyers, not so much for the Vendors

So did the Art Fiesta Festival which I have adored going to since I moved here to NorCal.  My artist friend was a regular of this show and always did well.  On a whim I applied this year and was accepted based on 3 images of my latest landscapes.  This which I am now considering "My last art hurrah" wasn't much of a yay! but instead a kind of a low and uninspiring adieu.

First, I loved so much of the two days... conversing with artists, meeting them and getting to know how they came to their particular expertize, hours of people watching and just kind of enjoying the ambience of the whole show.  Music on Day 1 was loud enough for me to enjoy and was a kind of Cubana salsa type.  I sold a piece, Miller Park, to a wonderful gal...works for DA's office, a homicide attorney with a great haircut asymmetrical short on one side...adorable friendly and energetic young woman.  Coffee from Insight Coffee House was wonderful.  Doing some shopping getting to die for gifts for friends and family.

Now there was stress involved for which I really wasn't prepared; a lot of thinking how to do it, wondering whether or not I would remember everything that I would need while there, hoping SQUARE would work for all of my credit card sales, etc.  At first, I was feeling confident that I could do this on my own, alone and knowing my set up stuff and art would fit in the car, etc. and then not feeling confident at the last moment which I could have been okay with had the air temperature not been upwards of 104 degrees with my 10x10" area being in the sun all day.  AND the one sale I did make was paid for by check so what was all he SQUARE stress about?  I mean really??? LOL

For now I have decided to retire for the second time:  taking a year to put  ME and my family first, a year to enjoy my garden, redecorate my kitchen, and cook some really great meals.

It will also be a good time to get rid of old art that bugs me every time I see it, and discover which direction my painting should take if and when I get back into it.

Yay!