Ready 2013? Here I Come!

Well!  Not at my window this afternoon, I have already gravitated to my studio since Jack is enjoying T.V. football in the kitchen.  Through the magic of my blog I can enjoy my view right here at my desktop.

So last day of 2012, and life just keeps getting better and better.

I think a big part of this truth is that I actually acted upon some advice I had been hearing for years but could never get myself to follow through with.  That advice was "What leaves you feeling bad, do less of.  What leaves you feeling good, do more of."

It took me years to figure out that sometimes people don't like you, and sometimes those people are your own family.  For lots of years I believed "you always hurt the one you love" and thought that it was okay.  OKay for me to make loved ones feel lousy, okay for me to be the one hurt.  Just swallow the lousy feeling and go on for another day of hurting others and being hurt.

Today, I have forgiven all the crummy comments, hatefulness that has come my way, all of the ugliness that has stepped into my home.  Mostly though, I have forgiven myself for all of the crummy comments, hatefulness that I have spewed, and ugliness that I have splayed about.

2013 is my year for acting only after I have paused to determine my intention.   I have actually succeeded in doing less of what leaves me feeling bad, and I am endeavoring to do more of what leaves me feeling good.  What I am discovering is that most of what leaves me feeling good is not determined by other people's actions but MY OWN.

So come on 2013, I am ready for ya'!

Life and Enchiladas

Day after Christmas, Jack is in the living room playing the piano (actually practicing), I have music playing in the kitchen and am getting my thoughts for today down on my ipad.

So many years ago Fr. Gordon said life is like gravy, and I loved that analogy for many years.  Now that I'm 63 my idea is that life is like enchiladas.

To make enchiladas one must first get all the ingredients ready.  The chiles are prepared by heating them making them soft and easy to lovingly peel, extraordinary spices are gathered and blended with the chiles to make a smooth and flavorful gravy.  Cheese is carefully grated, not too small--not too big, and onions are chopped small and uniform.  Large black, pitted olives are placed in a bowl at the ready.  Then and only then are we ready to heat the corn tortillas, dip them in the delectable gravy and fill them just perfectly for our pan of enchiladas to be made ready for the oven.  We place our little packages of goodness into a warm oven for a short while to blend all of the ingredients into the melted cheeses.  Then we enjoy.

So in life there are many ingredients we must get ready for our "pan" to eventually be successful.  We take from our parents, family, teachers and wise elders how they love, how they are kind, how they live their lives.  We take that information and decide who we are, how we will stand up for ourselves, how we will have goals and achieve them, how to love.  There are many steps to get these ingredients ready and lots of errors we will make along the way.  Don't be afraid to make mistakes, those are our best lessons and we will not grow without making mistakes.

Then we begin the process of putting everything together in nice neat little packages.  At this point we

must put the right amount of each ingredient to make our little packages uniform and delicious; lots of truthfulness, gratefulness, loving thoughts and deeds; not too much sarcasm, greediness, nor do we need to be judgemental.  A little warmth and love is the glue that keeps everything together.

Of  course, in life we may never get a nice pan of enchiladas just perfect but who wants perfection anyway???  Certainly not me.

From age 12 to 63 and Windows

Driving along with Dad, on our way home from work, I can see inside the windows of the houses that we pass.  Of course some homes are still dark, the occupants still at work, or on vacation, or shopping at the Mall.  When we finally arrive at our destination the house will be well lit, the occupants will be preparing for our arrival with dinner, stories of their activities during the day, and all the drama that involves.

But as we pass the windows on our way home, I wonder about these families.  The thoughts of my 12 year-old self are simple.  Are the children happy?  Are the moms good ones, do the dads work and take care of them like Dad does for us?  What do they eat?  I catch glimpses of their lamps and wall hangings and imagine what the inside of the house looks like, feels like, smells like.  If we were to walk in right now would there be smells of onions and peppers cooking, or would it smell like oatmeal raisin cookies?

When I'm older and on my own driving home from the office, out of the corners of my eyes I see the light from the windows as I pass and I am angry.  Angry that there are people already home from work and preparing the nightly meal, children are working on their homework already while I still must pick up my children from their caretaker, drive on home to prepare dinner in a cold house that will probably not smell of oatmeal raisin cookies.

Now I sit at my window and my 63 year-old self wonders and ponders life from this side of that beautiful pane of glass.  It's at the back of the house and not on a busy street so nobody goes by wondering about us.  I see the birds and think about life, I see trees and ponder thoughts about how we humans are all so connected with everything in the Universe, I see the men playing golf and feel the depth of the love that I have for my husband and that he has for me.  I answer the phone at my window greeting my friends and family feeling the warmth of the sun on my face from my window.

So I begin writing of the thoughts At My Window.