Hurtful Words

It's dark outside my window this morning, 6 a.m., and I'm hoping for a nice day out at the flea market.

My thoughts last night in my dreams were of things that I say and that I don't mean, ways that others can misinterpret my intentions.  Well not even misinterpret because I can say out loud a condescending statement but in my head there are so many caveats, I actually do not mean what has come out of my mouth.  Because the further explanation is in my head, I don't really think further words out loud are necessary at the time.  The person to whom I'm speaking is usually too polite to ask for more information and just respond with a smile or laugh.  It's only later that I realize the harsh words that I really did not mean.  By then it is too late, the moment has passed.

Of course sometimes Jack does react in a hurt angry way to something I have said to him.  Then I am awakened to my hurtful, inappropriate comments with his promise to not talk to me anymore.  We argue because he must make me understand how my words did not convey my thoughts appropriately, and then we go on-- him being far more forgiving than I am.

I actually awoke a couple times last night with remembeances of a few of the harsh, hurtful things I have said out loud.  Can it be possible with my owning this behavior in this blog that I can change my future conversations?  We, me and my soul, can only try and then do our best.